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Paper代写:Communication and conflict negotiation in a relationship

2019-01-11 | 来源:51due教员组 | 类别:Paper代写范文

本篇paper代写- Communication and conflict negotiation in a relationship讨论了关系中的沟通。尽管女性和男性在沟通和冲突协商方面有不同的观点和方法,但沟通在一段关系中总体上是重要的,对一段成功的关系的发展是至关重要的。承诺、信任和亲密建立了一种积极的关系和有效的沟通策略的基础,包括用语言表达感情,向你的伴侣表示感情,这些都有助于加强关系。本篇paper代写51due代写平台整理,供大家参考阅读。

Communication,关系中的沟通,paper代写,代写,essay代写

Introduction

As Sigmund Freud once said, "The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is 'What does a woman want?”. Even the greatest psychology could not fully understand women, not to mention an ordinary guy in love. Those who do not attach importance to communication with their girlfriends and wives usually end up with endless fights. Not only for women, but also the two-way communication between the two partners overall is discussed as the topic of this paper.

In my opinion, communication is king in a relationship and is critical to the development of a successful relationship. This statement is going to be further expanded and explored through detailed and sufficient research evidence, analysis of Gottman’s research in terms of the communication tactics, explanations of controversies, and followed with the final conclusion.

The major points that will be covered in this paper include my personal experiences and feelings about communication and conflict negotiation in a relationship, controversies in terms of communication between males and females in a relationship, effective and destructive communication tactics, and the overall conclusion and recommendation in terms of communication of couples in a relationship.

Importance of communication and conflict negotiation in a relationship

To me, I experienced that what negative consequences that it can end up with when not communicating well with my girlfriend. Once I did not notice the negative emotions of my girlfriend and did not took time to talk to her, she started to show dissatisfaction and this leads to a bad dinner and a fight with no reason. Later we talked about what happened that led to the bad times that day, and I found that she was just feeling sentimental and wanted to talk a little bit and know that I care about her. While I do agree that communication is important in a relationship, I found conflict negotiation difficult with my girlfriend because it is hard to get into her mind and know what is she really thinking about. Thus, communication proves to be even more important for us in order to learn more about each other’s thoughts and feelings, and to manage the relationship. As a result, research is conducted to further analyze the way of communication as well as effective and destructive communication tactics.

Research evidence

What couples communicate are three basic topics, commitment, trust, and intimacy; and what they usually argue about is control and power (Harris, 2015). In a relationship, commitment is the first issue that both parties communicate about. With commitment, both parties are able to move on to managing the relationship. Trust is considered as one of the most important elements of a relationship after commitment. A trusting relationship, in which two partners give each other space and trust and support each other, builds foundation for better communication between each other and strengthens the couples’ ability to negotiate conflicts as well as a positive outlook about the future of the relationship. With commitment and trust being foundation in a relationship, intimacy, a combination of physical, emotional, social, and spiritual connections and communications between the partners, further strengthens the relationship.

Regarding the topics that couples argue about, control and power can be the most involved topics. Two people can be different in terms of characteristics and interests as well as the way they see things. When one person see an issue or tries to solve the issue without considering how his or her partner approaches it and communicating with each other, control and power may be directly exerted and result in win/lose or lose/lose situations. From both the topics that partners communicate about and topics that partners argue about, we can see that communication is the key to a stable and positive relationship (Harris, 2015).

Controversy

A focus group study is conducted in the hope to understand in depth the individual opinions about communication and conflict negotiation, as well as the controversy and conflicts around this topic. A group of 6 males and a group of 6 females were invited to the study, all of them ranged from 20 to 30 years old. This particular group of respondents characterizes one of the main audience group that may arise conflicts and controversies in this topic. They are those who just started a relationship, or trying to manage relationship, or struggling in a relationship and communication is a major part in these stages. The moderator started with general demographic questions including age, how long has he or she been in this relationship, what the respondents do with his or her partner, and etc to get the conversation started in the group. 

Several important insights generated from this focus group study include that females and males do have different opinions and conflicts in terms of the topic of communication in a relationship. According to the focus group of six males, what they focus on in communication in a relationship is to diagnose the needs of his partner, what she wants, what she hopes to achieve from the communication or negotiation, and then tries to solve it as a problem. What most of them think is important for them is to help their partners solve their issues effectively and efficiently. They think that this is the meaning of communication and conflict resolution. However, among the other group of females, most of them express their actual needs of being listened and the feeling of being cared and loved. This leads to the further insights in terms of conflict negotiation in a relationship. Females usually care more about the process instead of the content of the communication.

Besides, it is also found that females tend to express their feelings into words and initiate a conversation more often than males. Males more often times prefer to jump the communication stage and would like to put words into action. Females show a greater level of need and expectation for in-depth conversations, and they said this is a way that she can learn more about her partner, including his feelings, thoughts, and need at the moment and feels the love from him. This is what build up trust for them and what strengthens the relationship. More specifically, in conflict negotiations, females tend to be sentimental and emotional in terms of communication styles, while males are relatively calm and objective when confronting issues in a relationship. Half of the males in the focus group express their feelings of depression during conflict negotiations with their partners.

Analysis of John Gottman’s research

- effective and destructive communication tactics

According to John Gottman, one of the leading researchers in the field of marital therapy, the positive and negative interactions among couples are the predictors to whether a relationship will survive. at least five positive interactions to one negative interaction, the chances of a successful long-term relationship are very good (Bruce, 2013).

Conquest, war, hunger, and death respectively, are the metaphor that Dr. Gottman uses to describe communication styles that can forecast the end of a relationship. First, criticism is an important element to avoid in communication in a relationship because it could potentially put the victim in the position of being hurt and assaulted (Lisitsa, 2013), but the problem may not be detrimental to a relationship unless the criticism becomes pervasive in terms of communication in the relationship. The partner may felt hurt and lack of self-confidence in both himself and in the relationship as a result from criticism as a pervasive kind of communication.

Second, contempt should be avoided as another destructive communication tactic. Any form of disrespect, either verbally or non-verbally, including ridicule, sarcasm, or even mimicking, and body language such as eye-rolling in communication contributes negatively to the development of a relationship. The third type of destructive communication involves defensiveness, which he or she act defensively and does not take responsibility. However, passing the fault to your partner or blaming your partner without careful communication could lead to misunderstandings and dissatisfactions in a relationship. The fourth defensive communication type is stonewalling, and this happens when one person shuts down from listening and reacting to his partner. Instead of confronting the issue and solving it through talking it through, if people solve issues through stonewalling, the lack of interaction can result in broken relationship (Lisitsa, 2013).

Contrary to all of the above defective communications, effective communication tactics include to express your feelings into words, show your empathy, and to ask open-ended questions. First, being able to put one’s feelings into words enable the communicators to express his or her feelings more deeply and enables the listener to understand the other partner at the same time. This also correlates back to the three elements that build the foundation of a relationship, one of which is intimacy, because in intimate conversations, focusing makes our conversations about feelings much deeper and more intimate as the words reveal who we are (Lisitsa, 2014). Deeper verbal communication also allows the couples to know about each other’s thoughts and feelings at the moment, as well as the needs of one person that the other person can actually help to fulfill. Second, expressing empathy also enhances the intimate communication between the couples. Showing empathy makes the other half understands that she is being listened and cared. It also enables the couples to know that their own perceptions make sense to the other person. Third, another skill of intimate communication is to explore the feelings of one another is to ask open-ended questions and showing an expect of answers. Through multiple rounds of in-depth communication can enforce the commitment, trust, and intimacy between the couples and foster the tacit understanding between each other.

Conclusion

To conclude, although females and males have different perspectives and approaches to communication and conflict negotiation, communication in general is important in a relationship and is critical to the development of a successful relationship. Commitment, trust, and intimacy builds the foundation of a positive relationship and effective communication tactics, including expressing feelings into words, showing empathy to your partner, and asking open-ended questions help to strengthen the relationship.

Bibliography

Cornelius, T. L., Alessi, G., & Shorey, R. C. (2007). The effectiveness of communication skills training with married couples: Does the issue discussed matter?. The Family Journal, 15(2), 124-132.

Ellie, L. (2013). The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/

Ellie, L. (2014). Dr. Gottman’s 3 Skills (and 1 Rule!) for Intimate Conversation. Retrieved from https://www.gottman.com/blog/dr-gottmans-3-skills-and-1-rule-for-intimate-conversation/

Victor, W. H. (2015). 9 Important Communication Skills for Every Relationship. Retrieved from http://edis.ifas.ufl.edu/pdffiles/FY/FY127700.pdf

King, B. M. (1999). Human sexuality today. Pearson College Division.

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